A slightly romanticized version on actual events attending an open mic last night.
The basic facts are that this young man PJ did do a wonderful job performing
the first 3 of the Cohen songs mentioned and I did forget a verse on one of
my own songs. :oops:
Musically I'm going for the obvious and trying to give it a Leonard Cohen feel.
Leonard Cohen's Songs
I walked down the stairs to the tavern below
I haven't been here in so long
Listened to a woman singing the blues
A young man sang Leonard Cohen's songs
He was singing Leonard Cohen's songs
He sang us a song of the Chelsea Hotel
Sang of a Bird On The Wire
How Suzanne took him down to the river
And how Everybody Knows the captain's a liar
Everybody Knows the captain's a liar
Picked up my guitar and took to the stage
Forgot the words to my song
Nobody heard it before anyways
How would they know I was wrong
How would they know I was wrong
Then
He sang us a song of the Chelsea Hotel
Sang of a Bird On The Wire
How Suzanne took him down to the river
And how Everybody Knows the captain's a liar
Everybody Knows the captain's a liar
Everyone had a some story to tell
Mostly of love that's gone wrong
How come every time a heart has to break
Someone writes it down in a song
Someone writes it down in a song
He sang us a song of the Chelsea Hotel
Sang of a Bird On The Wire
How Suzanne took him down to the river
And how Everybody Knows the captain's a liar
Everybody Knows the captain's a liar
Why did I come here tonight anyway
To cure something stirring inside
To pray that songs drive the demons away
I must have been out of my mind
I must have been out of my mind
Then
He sang us a song of the Chelsea Hotel
Sang of a Bird On The Wire
How Suzanne took him down to the river
And how Everybody Knows the captain's a liar
Everybody Knows the captain's a liar
Yes
He sang us a song of the Chelsea Hotel
Sang of a Bird On The Wire
How Suzanne took him down to the river
And how Everybody Knows the captain's a liar
Everybody Knows the captain's a liar
John
i think this is pretty perfect the way it is. only minor tweaking needed
I walked down the stairs to the tavern below
Haven't been here in so long
Listened to a young woman sing the blues
And a young man sing Leonard Cohen's songs
He was singing Leonard Cohen's songs
something like that. or you may not like the work "young" twice so something else.
Picked up my guitar and took to the stage
Forgot the words to my song
Nobodys heard it before anyway
How would they know it was wrong
How would they know it was wrong
I like it! It just needs some tweeking. I find the chorus is a bit rough around the edges; the repetition of sang in the first verse does not help. Perhaps something like: "He sang us a song about Chelsea Hotel / Crooned of a Bird On The Wire"
Keep up the good work!
I like this a lot. So easy to see the scene.
I felt at first there was a confusion between past and present tenses but actually it's him looking back only a few minutes/hours and he's still in the bar.
Good job!
I agree with the others; this is really good! Makes a great subject for a song. I liked the chorus. 'He sang us a song...' nice flow and alliteration. As for the repetition of 'sang', I can't think of anything that doesn't sound strained...I think it's fine as it is.
I particularly liked the verse including, 'How come every time a heart has to break,Someone writes it down in a song.' Is that a misprint in the first line of that verse? 'Everyone had a some story to tell'
Wish I'd written this...
Cheers, David
