A little late, but last weeks (and this week's) are proving to be very difficult for me. This is actually based on a "To Any Soldier" letter I got during the first gulf war. I hope that isn't cheating ;)
6 O'clock News
------------------
[v1]
on a regular night
on a regular street
in regular town usa
a regular girl finds the spot on the floor
where she and her dolls always play.
on the tv behind her, comes the 6 oclock news
showing events of the day
all the pain and the suffering from the war in iraq
she cries, Daddy make it all go away
[chorus]
cause she saw it all...on the six oclock news
all the pain and the fear and the suffering that she didn't choose
all the angry words spoken, all the families broken, Iraqi and American too
only eight years old, but she knew just what she had to do
when she saw it all on the six oclock news
[v2]
the next day at school
she gathered her friends
and together they wracked their brains
with the help of their teacher, and the rest of the school
they would start a letter writing campaign
It won't change the world, it won't turn back time
but what else can a third grader do?
it won't end the war, or bring anyone home
but their words might help a family or two
[chorus?]
[bridge]
when you know what's right
don't keep it locked up in your head
all the letters soon went out
and this is what hers said
[v3]
Dear mister soldier
why do you kill
why did you go far away
why did we send you
and are you there still
and how long are we making you stay?
My daddy says war is a terrible thing
he should know cause he fought in one too
when it's all over, will the memory sting
and what will have happened to you?
[chorus]
There are two kinds of people in this world:
Those who think there are two kinds of people in this world, and those who don't
Hm thats interesting & well done too.
The first verse (second half) somehow struck me as needing a bit of work.
The chorus seems a bit wordy maybe needs tightening but again that depends on the music.
I like the structure, with 2-part verses, a bridge & a chorus there is a lot of variety - potentially a very powerful song.
Nice one
Ola
Edit: Oh & the title. I was surprised to find the subject was war/soldiers abroad, given the title. Small point but you could perhaps find a more evocative title.
“Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.” - Winnie the Pooh
Is this in a country style? I can imagine it well. Very good! I liked the bridge,too, leading to the big final verse. Might be worth doing something with the final line of verse 1, 'in tears, she begs daddy to explain it all away'. It reads a little long and doesn't scan like the other verses do. Or maybe that can be sorted in the delivery...
Well done.
David
this brings back fond memories of seeing the Vietnam War on TV during dinnertime when i was little.
Thanks for the input guys. :)
I just made a few tweaks. I changed the last line of the first verse, and the fourth line of the chorus. I think that makes it scan better, without losing the meaning. (at least i hope so!)
Fraydoc, you are absolutely right, I did imagine it sung as a country style ballad. I could almost hear the late Keith Whitley's voice in my head while writing it.
There are two kinds of people in this world:
Those who think there are two kinds of people in this world, and those who don't
