So, I decided that I would do minor pentatonic shapes 1 and 2. To practice them.
The first 3 lines the music is going from low to high on shape 1 and the last three going down in shape 2
Here are the words
I'll work on recording later. I had a horribly hard time coming up with words.
If... Please
If I could
I would go
To wherever
Anyplace or Time
I am listenin'
Please speak to me
If I just knew
I would do
Anything you want
I would create
I would destroy
Please just tell me
If you would speak
I would listen
Cherish your voice
Hear your words
Do great works
Or terrible deeds
If you just spoke
I would hear you
Do anything
Be anything
Anything you want
I'd be someone
I like the minimalist approach to the lyrics.
The minor pentatonic should give it a good feel
to go along with the yearning feel of the lyrics.
The last line: "I'd be someone
It seems out of place. I would suggest you stay closer to the pleading
feel of the rest of the song and just end it with something like "Please"
Good Job
John
Simply changing the last word of the song from "someone" to "anyone" would make the verse fit better.
Not sure that I like the sentiment of totally adapting to the other person to keep her, but I get it and you've done a good job with expressing that.
Verse without rhyme is tough to work with. I think that the music has to be catchy to make it work.
Renee
Thanks for reviewing. I see the last line doesn't work do great in this version. I worked better in the first version, but I messed up and had too many measures for the music. I think I will change it to "please just please" or "please".
As for the changeing for a girl, this is about God not a girl. But re reading it I can see that it could apply to both, perils/benefits of using vague language. But that's okay as I am more interested in communicating an emotional state/feeling than a story.
Wow I never thought of the spiritual aspect of it.
Interesting take on the subject.