Y13W24 - Missed Connections - revised

After using "miss" three times in the first verse, I found its use in the second verse to be distracting

Hi Renee,

Good start :D

I like a lot of what's going on especially the intro and vs chord progression. I also like the variation in line deliveries.

There's one part in the verse that reminds me of one of my favorite songs (and that's a good thing :D)
Foo Fighters - Walking After You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNwkN9vrUYY

Suggestions:
Consider elaborating on who the singee is. Right now, different singees come to mind for me. V1 seems a jilting lover, v2 seems a grown child, v3 seems like a parent

Knowing the relationship would help the listener connect with the lyrics and settle into the song instead of wondering.

Thanks for sharing.

James

Thanks for the critiques. No time to re-record right now, but here's my latest revision on the lyrics:

verse:

I find myself a bit surprised
That tears keep coming to my eyes.
Placing the box with your ashes on the front seat,
I wish you had connected with me.

chorus:

Seems we each went our own direction,
Never getting each other's attention.
Like traveling salesmen without a plan,
Missed connections were all we had.

verse:

Friends tell me you were a character.
Everyone says how much fun you were
But I needed to know you were there for me
To guide and protect and care for me.

chorus

verse:

There will be no flowers or prayers or songs.
No praise for good deeds or murmurs of your wrongs.
No sharing of memories or circumspection.
Because your final wish was for missed connections.

chorus

When I wrote the original version of this song, I felt that the music didn't really fit the mood of the lyrics. I then used the music on another song, "The Last Time You Lied to Me"(Y13W28). Later I had a chord progression and a partial tune running around in my head. I decided to try using that for "Missed Connections." It didn't fit because the new melody was a 4 line verse and chorus and the lyrics were 3 lines. So I changed the lyrics, using some of the advice from this forum. I decided to leave it not clear who the singer is.

Revised version:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=13151377

verse:

I find myself a bit surprised
That tears keep coming to my eyes.
I wish you had connected with me.

chorus:

Seems we each went our own direction,
Never paying much attention.
Missed connections were all we had.

verse:

Friends say you were a character.
They talk about how much fun you were
I don't mention you were never there for me

chorus

verse:

There will be no flowers or prayers or songs.
No chance to share good deeds or wrongs.
Just as you wanted, one last missed connection.

chorus