One of the ideas that is constantly running through my head is the conflict between urban and rural lifestyles, and the distraught from what seems like a constantly winning city population. The chorus here came rather quickly into my head, and it was simply a process of describing the death in detail in the verses.
Prairie Tragedy
It's getting hard to make a buck
When you need diesel for tractor and truck
And the government takes all your wheat
And at night its hard for you too sleep
Running the farm, your sons don't want to try
And the state you're in makes your daughter cry
Let her die
Let her die
Let the fields grow over
Let her die
Let her die
Let the city takeover
Yeah, your daughter married a city boy
A man more concerned with cell phones and toys
To him the farmer is just history
He can't be trusted with your legacy
Developers are coming to you every day
Offers get bigger everytime, what can you say
Let her die
Let her die
Let the fields grow over
Let her die
Let her die
Let the city takeover
No one will miss you poor farmer
Even your neighbors are accountants and lawyers
And the suburban mom down the street
Suing you about the beef that she eats
No you can't win my good man
Your homestead will recede into the land
Let her die
Let her die
Let the fields grow over
Let her die
Let her die
Let the city takeover
First off, DR, nice take on the assignment. There's a lot of great lines here and a terrific overall feel.
Some, though, reads a little rough. As always, this may work itself out when sung, so the final call will be when you find yourself setting it to music (if you haven't done so already).
The last two lines of the first verse, for example:
Running the farm, your sons don't want to try
And global warming's causing your fields to fry
Both of these are important images, but run together like this makes it a hard read. It makes more sense to have the first simply be "...Running the farm, your sons don't want..." and then try to come up with something for the final line.
Likewise this line in the second verse (love the last two lines, by the way):
And of trucks and guns he's a mystery
While it's easy to understand what you mean, it's not what you're saying. So you run the danger of someone not getting it if they only hear the line sung once.
The first two lines of the third verse are going straight into my "wish I'd written that" bag!
Looking forward to more!
Peace
I like it.
My only comment would be on the end of the third verse. Up to then, it's a fight against urban sprawl, but
"Your barn and house will disappear into the land" give me the impression of simply decaying away.
maybe something like
No old man, you can't win at all
Your family farm will be the next shopping mall
There are two kinds of people in this world:
Those who think there are two kinds of people in this world, and those who don't
Yeah, a tough topic well visualised.
A line I thnk could be better (as David pointed out) is . . . And of trucks and guns he's a mystery
Perhaps somethng like:
to him livestock and crops're a mystery
(perhaps too many syllables but you see what I mean :) ).
My only other comment would be the her in the chorus
Would something like the land or the farm work better?
Nice work
Cheers
Ola
“Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.” - Winnie the Pooh
My only comment would be on the end of the third verse. Up to then, it's a fight against urban sprawl, but
"Your barn and house will disappear into the land" give me the impression of simply decaying away.
It is much more than just about urban sprawl: themes include the flight of young people to the city; rising economic pressures; decay of family control; and of course, the threat of suburbanites (in more than one way).
My only other comment would be the her in the chorus
Would something like the land or the farm work better?
I don't think so; besides, most men refer to special material items as "her". You know "MY favourite guitar, she WAILS!". Besides, land and farm are less romantic words...it's harder to get attached to them.
I wil revise and comment on the other points later on. Now I need to write a dendro paper. Thanks folks!
I changed the title, as I was never happey with the original. I took some of the advice given, changing some of the words and lines in the verses. Hopefully this is better.
Much punchier title.
David
