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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2097
03/09/2014 8:23 pm  

Normally I start off with the music and then adapt the lyrics. Seeing as I didn't have any music I wasn't going to write a song this week. However I did anyway by borrowing someone else’s :roll: .
If I ever put this to my own music the phrasing will change. Its really just a way of capturing an idea that I can work on later.

Gratitude
© 2014 Copyright Paul Brady

There's a man who's saying prayers and facing all of his fears
he points his heart toward the symbol on the wall.
And he does this every day cos he knows no other way
he's giving thanks, he's responding to a call.

It's grat-it-tude not att-it-ude
It's a way to pray for all this world
It's grat-it-tude not att-it-ude
not finding ways to prey apon this world
not finding ways to prey apon this world

And she's holding the newborn the blanket old and worn
but it's wrapped in cloth not made of wool or thread.
That comfort and wellbeing comes from something never seen
It comes from love and gratefulness instead

It's grat-it-tude not att-it-ude
It's a way to pray for all this world
It's grat-it-tude not att-it-ude
not finding ways to prey apon this world
not finding ways to prey apon this world

It's grat-it-tude not att-it-ude
It's a way to pray for all this world
It's a way to pray for all this world

Check out my Reverbnation page here


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(@davidhodge)
Member Moderator
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 4485
04/09/2014 1:51 am  

Hi Paul

Like where this is going. And especially like the "pray / prey" wordplay, although if you decide to expand on this a bit, developing more of a "prey" scenario might be interesting.

Not sure the "who's" in the first line is truly needed. "There's a man saying prayers..." is much more active but it may simply be a syllable / phrasing placement. If that's so, you might find it more helpful to use that syllable to help better describe the man, even if it's a simple as "There's a old (young / tired / sad / etc.,) man saying prayers..."

Just a thought. Definitely looking forward to hearing this at some point, whether with your music or someone else's. And also looking forward to more.

Peace


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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2097
04/09/2014 5:12 am  

Hi David,
yes I think "who's " could go.
The thing about this song for me is that there are almost two songs here and I'm not sure which one to write.
1) the play on the prey versus pray and
2) the gratitude / love / prayer relationship.
So I went with combining them together. There really needs to be another verse or bridge in there that brings it all together and I will be putting my thinking cap on once I resolve what this songs actually about .

Thanks for the comments.

Paul

Check out my Reverbnation page here


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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 12 years ago
Posts: 2852
04/09/2014 11:35 am  

Hi Paul,

Good start :D
"There's a man saying prayers..."
I agree
especially like the "pray / prey" wordplay
I liked the idea, but I was a bit more concerned because as this will be sung not read, it seems to be easily confusing.....b/c of the switch in thought and also ending the chorus with lines 3 and 4 in a power position that should be saved to spotlight the title....not the opposite of the title.

Also, I've heard this idea phrased differently....to the point of being cliche

It's grat-it-tude not att-it-ude

.....but what I've heard is "Have an attitude of gratitude"......in other words, gratitude IS an attitude (out of choice)......so if gratitude is not an attitude, what is it?

I guess my assumption is an attitude is a point of view and/or response to a person or situation.
....but if you mean attitude like a "chip on the shoulder" you might need a few more dots to connect to how that relates to "preying" upon the world.

there are almost two songs here and I'm not sure which one to write.

I agree. It would be better to develop the idea of one of the characters instead of introducing two underdeveloped.

Maybe one way would be a way of combing their stories....where she is being preyed on by the world/mean streets, but his prayers for her keep her alive or give hope/peace/gratitude for what she has in life.....it could be a father/daughter relationship where they parted ways on bad terms, but they can never be totally out of each other's lives.....or he was absent and is trying to make up for lost years....or teen age girl kicked out of house for premarital pregnancy...now trying to restore the father/daughter bond.

apon this world
change to .....
upon this world

Thanks for sharing. :D

James


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(@john-sargent)
Prominent Member
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 948
05/09/2014 10:53 am  

It's already been stated that perhaps there is one character too many. Perhaps another verse where the two interact would tie it together?


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