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SSG11 Week 24 $5 Coffee (mp3)

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(@chris-c)
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This probably does wander a little bit from the original brief - but it definitely started with the story of a $5 coffee!

We don't get much street begging where I live, but in past years you might occasionally get approached by somebody politely asking if you could spare a dollar for a coffee. Some months ago I came out of a shop and a guy in the mall, strongly smelling of cheap booze, boldy asked me for five dollars. Still polite, but not even the pretence of needing coffee or food. Just "Can you give us five bucks mate".

I'd forgotten all about it until this morning. But, once I started fiddling with the idea that the price of failure was obviously going up, the song seemed to find its own direction. So it's probably a sort of "Inflationary Blues"... :wink:

The house is too noisy today to attempt a proper recording, so this is just another rough attempt through the pinhole mic at the top of the computer monitor.

I tried to keep it brief, but I still filled most of the page with words. Got it down to about 2mins 45 though. So I could probably stick in a bit more instrumental once the rest is sorted.

Thanks for reading/listening and for any suggestions about words or music.

Five Dollar Coffee Click to go to Play page.

$5 Coffee

The beggar on the street used to rattle his cup
Tell a well worn story, down on his luck
Good day to you Sir, can you spare a buck
Just a dollar for a coffee....

Now he's older and the blood in his eyes
Tells the story of living on bad cheap wine
Excuse me mate, can you spare a five
Just five bucks for a coffee....

The price of success has always been high, but the price of failure's going up too
The price of success has always been high, but the price of failure's going up too

Mr banker Mr banker give the business a loan
Fix a temporary problem with a poor cash flow
We'll soon trade out, as we're sure you know
Just need a little more credit...

We've had fifty grand but it wouldn't quite do
A quarter of a million should see us through
Keep our heads above water for a month or two
Just need a little more credit...

The price of success has always been high, but the price of failure's going up too
The price of success has always been high, but the price of failure's going up too

Cyprus and Greece have no cash left
So they hold out their hands to the IMF
Just few more billion then they'll pay back the rest,
With another barrowload of funny money....

We can't all live in the fancy part of town
Some folks'll swim while some folks drown
But the cost of living never goes down
Need another barrowload of funny money....

The price of success has always been high, but the price of failure's going up too
The price of success has always been high, but the price of failure's going up too


   
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(@john-sargent)
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Very topical. I liked how you included the IMF. Some of the rhymes seem a bit rough but overall, I like it.


   
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(@chris-c)
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Very topical. I liked how you included the IMF. Some of the rhymes seem a bit rough but overall, I like it.

Thanks MrE. :)

Yes, you're spot on with the rough rhymes but my excuse is that it was deliberate this time. I usually write rather wordy songs with very neat rhyming schemes, a bit of word play, etc. Quite old fashioned really.
But songs don't need to rhyme in that way. In fact some don't rhyme at all. However, I find that hard to do, so I'm trying to break myself in gently with what I see as "partial rhyme" - i.e. not a true rhyme, or even close, but just a similar vowel sound.

I spotted this in one of Nick's posts in a thread on the other Songwriting forum. It prompted me to try bring myself to use what you might call 'vague phonetic similarities' instead of rhymes this time.
I'll disagree that songwriting has no proven formula. Formulaic pop makes millions of dollars a year following the exact same set of rules. It all depends on what you as a listener consider good.

Here's a few other rules as an example

The first or last line of the chorus should be the hook.
The title should also be the hook
The song should be between 3-4 minutes
The hook should appear at least once in the first 60 seconds.
Perfect rhyme is a no-no

I could give you a bunch more concerning structure. There are lots of rules regarding songwriting, that doesn't mean you can't break them, but you can't ignore them either if you want to be successful.
Cheers,

Chris


   
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(@john-sargent)
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I have often reached pretty far for a rhyme. There is a song by Dave Carter "Giddy-up Santa" with a great rhyme "when i rolled down the winder and peered across my fender"


   
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(@jamestoffee)
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Hi Chris,

Nice job! :D That was fast, too! I had only read the assignment when I saw you had yours posted with the MP3! Nice playing on the guitar btw :wink:

I think the stories work well with getting the idea across. I like the build from the one man, to company to country.

Thanks for sharing.

James


   
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(@john-sargent)
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I just had a chance to listen to it. Very nice job for a tiny computer microphone.


   
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(@chris-c)
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Thank you both very much for listening. It's not always easy to listen to someone like me grinding through their own compositions, because we've all become so used to hearing highly polished slick commercial recordings, and the habit of more casual home music making has sadly suffered such a decline in recent years.

I really enjoy the business of trying to sing (and play) - but boy, recording is a harsh test of your shortcomings! I still find it very hard to string even a line or together without screwing up the singing as well as the playing. So your kind comments about the playing were much appreciated. :D I'll keep practising.....


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
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Hi Chris,

excellent mate :D , the song and delivery are very good, well done. Yes I think I agree with everything you've said in there.

cheers

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@hobson)
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A well told story and I also liked the build from the individual to the company to the country. However, I noticed that the title "five dollar coffee" never appears in the lyrics. I think it should show up at least once. Even better if there's also a reference to it later in the song to tie things together.

Renee


   
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(@chris-c)
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A well told story and I also liked the build from the individual to the company to the country. However, I noticed that the title "five dollar coffee" never appears in the lyrics. I think it should show up at least once. Even better if there's also a reference to it later in the song to tie things together.

Absolutely right. Well spotted Renee. And I thought I'd got away with it too! :mrgreen:

The nearest it gets is the line saying "Just five bucks for a coffee"..

My excuse is that when I write songs I don't like to be restricted too much by writing to a title that's been decided in advance. Instead I usually start with a rough working title and then go wherever the idea seems to want to as it develops. Part of the next stage is to rejig things until it has some sort of logical flow to the story or mood. Then, often quite late in the piece, I'll decide what the final title is - depending on where the lyrics went.

I'd probably retitle this something like "The Price of Failure". But David's assignment asked for a specific amount, so I left the $5 title as it was. Bad student..... :wink:

Cheers,

Chris


   
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