http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=458293&content=music
THREE BROTHERS
three brothers standing on the road side
watching the cars and life pass them by
all alone just standing on the road side
asking each other questions and wondering why
three brothers
too many misunderstandings
one way to find their way home
three brothers just talking on the road side
each used to having their own way
three brothers arguing on the road side
not listening to what the others say
three brothers
too many misunderstandings
one way to find their way home
three brothers looking for a direction
each trying to find their way home
three brothers with no sense of affection
not understanding they can't do it alone
their mother's been gone now for so many years
they last met at her grave side and they all shared their tears
then they turned their backs and went their own way
after so many years together at play
what they've lost they're trying now to find
there's a simple solution but they can't make up their mind
they know their differences should remain in the past
they've come to understand family and why it must last
There were three brothers standing on the road side
watching the cars and life pass them by
all alone just standing on the road side
looking at each other as they all started to cry
three brothers
too many misunderstandings
one way to find their way home
This is really nice, Neil!
But, of course, I'm going to chide you for grammar, young man ("grammar" not being your mom's mom... :wink: )! Even though it may not sound correct, there are a couple of places where "their" should be replaced with his, such as:
each used to having his own way
and
each trying to find his way home
Reason being that "each" is singular and "their" is plural so the grammar gods truly frown on that.
Be all that as it may, love the simple and sad feel of this. It drew me in from the opening chords. Even though you're using this as the chorus:
three brothers
too many misunderstandings
one way to find their way home
I really think this verse could be a suitable chorus as well:
three brothers looking for a direction
each trying to find his way home
three brothers with no sense of affection
not understanding they can't do it alone
and can't make up my mind as to which one might work. I like the "direction / affection" rhyme a lot (especially with the "no sense of" which is both clever and catchy) but I think the last line, at least the way it's sung, is a bit of a tongue twister. Plus the "understanding" is a little redundant with "misunderstanding" repeated so often in the first part. Maybe combining them:
three brothers looking for a direction
each trying to find his way home
three brothers with no sense of affection
three brothers who can't do it alone
three brothers
too many misunderstandings
one way to find their way home
Just a thought.
There are other little tongue-twisty places, where you seem to find yourselves with too many syllables to fit into the space that you have. Shaving some of these down or simply getting more comfortable with how you want to work the phrasing might help as well. Changing "asking" to "ask" in the last line of the first verse, for instance (although that would put in the alarm to the grammar gods again, I know! Maybe "ask each other questions while wondering why" would appease them).
All in all, though, a lovely song to start me out so early in the week. And being the oldest of three brothers (plus one sister), it kind of hit home, too. Thanks for a beautiful song!
As always, looking forward to more.
Peace
I like it.
I'm having trouble with the link (my slow connection) which is frustrating.
As soon as read about brothers arguing the Marx brothers popped into my head. I know they are not three but I couldnt stop thinking about the potential for mayhem with that lot arguing by the roadside. It rather spoiled the atmosphere which you effectively build up - anyway thats my problem :wink:
Only a couple of things jumped out at me.
First is the line one way to find their way home. The double use of way confused me a bit. I think I understand what you are getting at (as alluded to in an earlier line each trying to find his way home but are you referring to one route home or one method to find the only route home. My feeling is you meant the former.
I hope I am clear I am making hard work of explaining this :?
So to clear it up it could read:
one way to make it back home
or
one way for them to get home
or even
one way for them to find home
Second is a small typo - but they can't make up their mind - should read minds
I look 4wd to hearing it when my ISP gets its bandwidth sorted!
Cheers
Ola
“Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.” - Winnie the Pooh
A really good song, Neil.Some of the lines I liked a lot, and the running theme of direction and roads worked well. Some of the lines were of uneven length, as David pointed out, and a bit of editing would make the singing smoother. Liked the tune, too, by the way!
Cheers, David
Hi Neil,
Good melancholy song here.
Some good advise has already been given and I don't have much to add.
As for the somewhat long lines it seems to be part of your unique style.
On first reading I always think your lines are too long but most of the time
you manage to pull them off on the MP3.
Good Job just watch the grammar.
John
Thanks all! I'm always in need of grammar lessons. Too, appreciate the other suggestions. They'll undoubtably find their way into a rewrite.
Neil
